Mission Statement

Mission Statement

[Verse 1:]
We must all efficiently
Operationalize our strategies
Invest in world-class technology
And leverage our core competencies
In order to holistically administrate
Exceptional synergy
We'll set a brand trajectory
Using management's philosophy
Advance our market share vis-à-vis
Our proven methodology
With strong commitment to quality
Effectively enhancing corporate synergy
Transitioning our company
By awareness of functionality
Promoting viability
Providing our supply chain with diversity (versity, ooooh)
We will distill our identity
Through client-centric solutions
And synergy (Oooooh oooh oooh)
(Ahhhhhh)

[Bridge:]
At the end of the day (At the end of the day)
We must monetize our assets
The fundamentals of change
Can you visualize a value-added experience?
That will grow the business infrastructure and
Monetize our assets
Monetize our assets
Monetize our assets

[Verse 2:]
Bringing to the table
Our capitalized reputation
Proactively overseeing
Day-to-day operations
Services and deliverables
With cross-platform innovation
Networking, soon will bring, seamless integration
Robust and scalable, bleeding-edge and next-generation
Best of breed
We'll succeed
In achieving globalization

[Outro:]
And gaining traction with our resources in the marketplace
It's mission-critical to stay incentivized
Against this purple-poster-flexible-solutions for our customer base
If you can't think outside the box
You'll be downsized
It's a paradigm shift! (Hey, Hey! Look out!)
Well, it's a paradigm shift, now!
(Here we go! Here we go! Here we come! Here we come! Ha!)

__

Weird Al Yankovic, from his new CD "Mandatory Fun."

UPDATE COMMENTARY

Perhaps the best song of all is the Crosby, Stills & Nash-inspired “Mission Statement,” made for everyone who has found herself sinking in the mire of meaningless gibberish that flows through the modern corporate office. In the video, which features that annoyingly overused trope of a hand scribbling illustrations, the despair of office alienation is juxtaposed with the relentlessly upbeat buzzwords and conventions taught in MBA schools. What’s particularly resonant about this song is how Al skewers the corporate capitalism which promised us all the wonders of efficiency, harmony and prosperity, only to deliver us to Dilbert’s cubicle of despair.

In “Mission Statement,” the dreams of love and peace echoed in ’60s folk tunes have congealed into a nightmare in which we can’t escape capitalism’s relentless propaganda. Instead, we’re brought to a kind of posthuman wretchedness in which we are forced to speak in the tongues of the market’s abstract gods.